I heard something along the lines of this recently: Your teens are supposedly your biggest growth and hardest time in your life, but in reality you’re 20’s really are because you are expected to do everything like an adult and act like an adult when you yourself do not have everything figured out yet.
Sometimes I feel like I am still a little kid trapped inside an woman’s body, that I am taking on so many things at only 22 (almost 23) years old by moving to another country and trying to learn another language and going to an MBA program straight out of undergraduate education. But then sometimes I even feel like I am too serious for my age and get told to “loosen up” and “have some fun while your young!”. I honestly don’t even know what “acting my age” even means. I have been told my whole life that I act more mature than my age, but then why do I feel like a little kid inside still? Why do I feel like I have to have all the answers figured right now? Its fast approaching the 1 year mark of me being here in Japan (August 15th) and I know I have grown and learned a lot as a person, but am I really going to be able to get a job when I don’t even know what I want to do? I say the business side of Japanese entertainment and such, but I myself don’t even know how I am going to be able to get there. I am trying my best at learning more Japanese, while at the same time going to my MBA program and working part time teaching english. I am meeting so many people and I am learning a lot, but is that enough to get me a job? What else do I have to do? I feel like I am being told by many different means that I am not doing enough to get a job here after graduation when that is the number one thing on my mind at the moment. Does this truly mean I am not doing enough? and am I too young to be doing this? How can I study Japanese at the same time as completing my studies and doing a part time job and also having time to enjoy the country I love. I ask myself these questions all the time recently.
Although I might never find the answers to these questions, I will do my best with the situation I am in at the moment and push forward. I guess I just have to believe that everything is going to work out and work harder on my Japanese studies. I will do my best!