Back in February 2019, I wrote a blog post about a question I used to get all the time:

“When are you moving back home?”

I went back and reread that post recently, and it felt a little strange reading the thoughts of a younger version of myself. Not completely different, but definitely less settled. I could tell I was still trying to figure out how to explain something I hadn’t fully processed yet.

At the time, I talked a lot about feeling caught between cultures. Not fully comfortable in the U.S., but also knowing that no matter how long I lived in Japan, I would never fully be seen as Japanese either. Reading it again now, I realized that part actually hasn’t changed very much.

What has changed is my relationship with it.

Back then, it felt like something I needed to resolve. Like I was constantly trying to figure out where I belonged and what my “final answer” was supposed to be. I felt like there was this invisible expectation hanging over me that eventually I would just… go back. That living abroad was a phase, or a long chapter, but not necessarily a permanent life, even after being in Japan for 8 years at that point.

Now, almost seven years later, my life looks completely different.

I moved in together with my now husband in 2021 and got married in 2025. I’m now in my mid-30s, and Japan is no longer just the place where I happen to live — it’s where my entire adult life has unfolded. I also received permanent residency, which changed my mindset more than I expected it to. For years, even subconsciously, there was always that underlying question of “How long can I stay?” – Once that uncertainty disappeared, Japan started to feel less temporary since they can no longer pull the rug out from under me and not renew my visa. I officially have a permanent place here (as long as I am a good upstanding resident!).

At the same time, my work life changed too. I technically are categorized as freelance now, which means I can travel between Japan and the U.S. more than I used to. In a weird way, that flexibility has actually made me feel less tied to needing a definitive answer about where home is supposed to be. The US is partially still my home because I can transition between my family in the US for longer periods of time in the year and still have my main home in Japan with my husband. Having that freedom is truly a privilege.

When I was younger, I think I viewed living overseas as something that required a conclusion eventually. Like one day I would either fully commit to staying abroad forever or return to the U.S. and “resume” my life there. But now, my life doesn’t really fit into that kind of binary thinking anymore. And that is very freeing to me to know that I don’t have to decide between one or the other. I feel content with my main base being in Japan but I’m also relieved that I know I will see my family multiple times a year because that barrier of strict work and visa obligations to Japan isn’t there anymore.

That doesn’t mean life can’t change and somewhere else might become my main base in the future. I’ve learned enough over the years to stop speaking in absolutes – There are always circumstances that could shift things in the future. But I also no longer feel pressured to force myself into an answer just because other people expect one. My husband and I will talk together and decide what the future hold for the two of us as time progresses.

I think that’s probably the biggest difference between the version of me who wrote that 2019 post and who I am now. Back then, “I don’t know” came from uncertainty. Now, it comes from acceptance.

I’m okay with the fact that my life exists somewhere in between cultures. I’m okay with the fact that “home” doesn’t feel fixed in one singular place anymore – And freelancing and traveling back and forth between countries has only reinforced that feeling. If anything, home has started to feel less like a country and more like the life I’ve built for myself.

What about you? Has your idea of “home” changed as you’ve gotten older or experienced different stages of life? I’d love to hear your thoughts.